Vitser!

[Magnus]

Disse er delvis hentet fra: http://www.root.no/forum/lofiversion/index.php/t3672.html

1)

Ingeniøren, fysikeren og matematikeren skulle ha konkuranse om hem som kunne gjærde inn en sauflokk mest økonomisk, alstå bruke minst gjærde. Ingeniøren lagde et sirkelformet gjærde rundt sauene, og var fornøyd med dette. De andre var også enige i at dette var en økonomisk måte å gjøre det på.
Nestemann ut var fysikeren, han lagde samme gjærde som ingeniøren, men "strammet" gjærdet til slik at sauene sto helt tett sammen. Mer økonomisk enn dette mente han at det ikke kunne bli!!
Så var det matematikeren sin tur. Han lagde et ørlite gjærde rundt seg selv og definerte sin posisjon som utenfor....

2)

Fysikeren, ingeniøren og matematikeren sjekker inn på hvert sitt rom på samme hotell. Av en eller annen merkelig grunn begynner det å brenne i gardinene på hvert rom, men heldigvis er alle rom utstyrt med en brannslukker.

Fysikeren våkner og ser det brenner. Så ser han brannslukningsapparatet. "Ah, jeg ser en løsning" sier han. Så gir han en kjapp analyse av stoff som brenner, hvor det brenner, før han tar slukningsapparatet, rettet strålen mot brannkilden, og slukker brannen uten nevneverdig skade. Så går han og legger seg.

Ingeniøren våkner og ser det brenner. Så ser han brannslukningsapparatet. "Ah, jeg ser en løsning" sier han. Han har ikke samme kunnskap om brann, hvordan det utvikler seg, osv, så han bare tar slukningsapparatet, og spruter rundt i hytt og pine. Skadene er betydelig større og dyrere, men han klarer omsider å slukke brannen. Så går han og legger seg.

Matematikeren våkner og ser det brenner. Så ser han brannslukningsapparatet. "Ah, jeg ser en løsning" sier han. Så går han og legger seg."

3)

Tre statistiker går ut for å jakte. De ser så en kanin, den første skyter et skudd, men bommer til venstre. Deretter skyter den andre et skudd og bommer til høyere. Da roper den siste: "Vi har truffet den"

4)

Q: What is the difference between a mathematician and a philosopher?
A: The mathematician only needs paper, pencil, and a trash bin for his work - the philosopher can do without the trash bin...

5)

Theorem. Every positive integer is interesting.

Proof. Assume towards a contradiction that there is an uninteresting positive integer. Then there must be a smallest uninteresting positive integer. But being the smallest uninteresting positive integer is interesting by itself. Contradiction!

6)

Mathematicians never die - they only loose some of their functions.

[Advena]

[Magnus]

hahaha, Den er bra

[Bogfjellmo]

Denne er litt i samme stil.

[MiF86]

Pent 

[Magnus]

http://immense-world.blogspot.com/2006/09/mathematics-genius.html

[kalleja]

Det finnes bare 10 personer her i verden, de som forstår binærkode og de som ikke gjør det.

[johwan]

Hvorfor bør man alltid ha med seg en kjemiker? Fordi han har alle løsningene!

What should one do with a dead guy? Barium.

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a mosquito?  Answer:

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a grape? Answer: You can't cross a vector with a scalar, dumbwit!

[Bogfjellmo]

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a grape? Answer: You can't cross a vector with a scalar, dumbwit!

Denne gir jo ingen mening. Den jeg har hørt er:

Q: What do you get when you cross a mosquito with a mountain climber?
A: You can't cross a vector with a scalar, dumbwit!

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/vector punkt 3. 

[Clear Water]

Subject: The Nature of Hell

Thermodynamic Question: Is Hell Exothermic or Endothermic?

If you don't know the answer, then please read the following response. Dr.Schambaugh, of the Oklahoma School of Chemical Engineering, is known for asking questions such as "why do airplanes fly?" on his final exams. His one and only final exam question in May 1997 for his Momentum, Heat and Mass Transfer II course was "Is Hell exothermic or endothermic? Support your answer with proof."

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into Hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for souls entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, then you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of
change in volume in Hell. Boyle's Law states that in order for the
temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to remain constant.

Two options exist:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

or,

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until all Hell freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the quote given to me by Theresa Manyan during Freshman year, "that it will be a cold night in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account that I have still not succeeded in having sexual relations with Theresa, then Option 2 cannot be true.

Thus, hell is exothermic.

The student got the only A in the course.

[Coldinia]

Det finnes bare 10 personer her i verden, de som forstår binærkode og de som ikke gjør det.

Neinei! Det finnes 10 typer personer i verden - de som kan trinær, de som ikke kan trinær, og de som tror trinær er binær^^

[matsorz]

To atomer går på gata: "I think I lost an electron"
"Are you sure?"
"Im positive"





Et nøytron går inn på en bar, "How much for a beer?"
"For you, no charge"

[FrustratahRealistah]

What is "pi"?

Mathematician: Pi is the ratio of the circumference of a circle to its diameter.
Engineer: Pi is about 22/7.
Physicist: Pi is 3.14159 plus or minus 0.000005
Computer Programmer: Pi is 3.141592653589 in double precision.
Nutritionist: You one track math-minded fellows, Pie is a healthy and delicious dessert!

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Top ln(e^10) reasons why e is better than pi

10) e is easier to spell than pi.
9) pi ~= 3.14 while e ~=2.718281828459045.
The character for e can be found on a keyboard, but pi sure can't.
7) Everybody fights for their piece of the pie.
6) ln(pi^1) is a really nasty number, but ln(e^1) = 1.
5) e is used in calculus while pi is used in baby geometry.
4) 'e' is the most commonly picked vowel in Wheel of Fortune.
3) e stands for Euler's Number, pi doesn't stand for squat.
2) You don't need to know Greek to be able to use e.
1) You can't confuse e with a food product.

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A mathematician, a biologist and a physicist are sitting in a street cafe watching people going in and coming out of the house on the other side of the street.

First they see two people going into the house. Time passes. After a while they notice three persons coming out of the house.

The physicist: "The measurement wasn't accurate."
The biologists: "They have reproduced".
The mathematician: "If now exactly one person enters the house then it will be empty again."

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Shamelessly kopiert fra ei side jeg fant: http://www.workjoke.com/mathematicians-jokes.html

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Til slutt, en tør en fra ingen ringere enn fysikkboka:
"... om du tar ut badevekta fra baderommet, blir badet vektløst."